The SHN #28: Small Traumas, Excellent Advice for Living, and Laziness

Welcome back to The Synergetic Health Newsletter! 

In this edition, we’ll explore how seemingly insignificant events in your life could still be impacting you for years to come.

After that, I’ll introduce you to Kevin Kelly and his Excellent Advice for Living.

Then comes a look into human laziness.

Finally, I’ll include some links to things I’ve found particularly interesting recently.

Joe Burt

🤕 Small “t” Traumas

We are all familiar about how major life traumas can be particularly impactful on a person’s physical, emotional, and psychological health. A severe accident, a sudden and unexpected loss of a family member, a cancer diagnosis, a serious physical assault, and so on.

These events can have long-lasting effects on a human and are often the target of many therapeutic modalities.

But what about the little, seemingly negligible events that pepper our daily lives? Those moments of subtle rejection, constant criticism, or persistent feelings of inadequacy that, when accumulated, can influence our well-being in the same way as larger ones.

These seemingly insignificant occurrences, dismissed as minor nuisances, quietly carve their space in the narrative of our mental, physical, and emotional health.

And yet, it's these small, often overlooked, day-to-day experiences that silently impact our overall resilience and shape our emotional landscape.

Some examples of these small “t” traumas:

-Being singled out or embarrassed by a teacher in front of classmates.

-Experiencing the disappointment of a first academic failure

-Observing a violent encounter with an animal

-Experiencing an incident of unintentional but public humiliation

-Accidentally hearing negative comments about oneself

-Seeking assistance or comfort and receiving no response

-Experiencing a house fire or intrusion

-The sudden death or disappearance of a pet without proper explanation

-Repeatedly being compared unfavorably to a sibling

-Growing up in a household with frequent and intense parental arguments

-Enduring persistent teasing, exclusion, or physical harm from classmates

-Noticing disapproval in a parent's expression or tone

-Being left out of social events or playdates with peers

-Facing continuous pressure from parents to excel in extracurricular activities

The effects of these types of traumas are especially impactful during the first six years of life, when the body is in a hypnogogic, non-conscious state. This state is hallmarked by a brain that is highly plastic, making it more malleable and susceptible to influences and experiences.

Experiences and information encountered in this crucial stage of development may become embedded in the subconscious mind, contributing to the formation of beliefs, memories, and emotional responses. This is why early childhood experiences, especially those occurring during the hypnagogic state, can have a profound and lasting impact on an individual's later life.

The developing brain (or the subconscious matrix, depending on what you believe) encodes these experiences in a way that shapes future responses to stress.

Early traumas, like listed above, distort the evaluation of new threats, triggering the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis. This leads to elevated cortisol levels and lower DHEA levels, contributing to long-term health issues.

So when an individual with a history of a specific small “t” trauma is faced with a similar situation in their later years, their body’s stress response is activated in an out-of-proportion way to the actual event in their experience.

In a personal anecdote, there seems to be an incident from my youth where I wasn't invited to join my friends when I expected to be included. Presently, when a comparable situation arises—me not being invited to an event where I believe I should be—a part of me regresses to a childlike state.

My younger self likely experienced feelings of isolation, neglect, and being excluded by my friends, triggering a stress response and associated negative emotions. Today, when my mind/body detects a similar conflict, a part of my 38-year-old self reverts to the innocent 5-year-old who couldn't comprehend why inclusion was lacking.

I can sense myself grappling with feelings of exclusion, isolation, and unworthiness, accompanied by thoughts echoing the same sentiments. Despite the absence of malicious intent, the remnants of that small traumatic memory persist in expressing itself through the same emotional pattern.

Becoming increasingly mindful of situations that evoke a stress response disproportionate to the actual trigger is a valuable and practical exercise. You will stumble across many of these before unconscious patterns that silently dictate your behavior.

If never dealt with, you potentially will relive that one small childhood trauma over-and-over, maybe hundreds or thousands of times, leading to chronic stress and health deterioration.

And if you were raised in a particular troublesome environment, your psyche could be packed full of these traumas, quietly assaulting your well-being for decades to come.

Ok, so how do you identify and deal with these types of traumas?

To make it easy, I will highlight two general approaches:

1) Increase Your Moment-to-Moment Awareness

This shouldn’t be new news to readers of The SHN, but beginning to be more intimate with your everyday experiences is one way that life’s traumas can begin to dissolve.

The dissolving occurs when your reactions, behavior, emotions, thoughts, feelings are looked at non-judgmentally by YOU, the silent observer that is aware of everything in your experience.

So, as soon as something uncomfortable presents itself in your life, you immediately shine the light of awareness directly on that, letting it have its time in the spotlight. This bright light of non-judgment is akin to a flashlight in a dark room, uncovering hidden corners and exposing the discomfort for examination.

Over time, a triggering event that used to jack you up and ruin your day no longer has the same impact.

To improve your ability to notice when these subconscious patterns are about to take over, meditation is recommended. This practice itself is a form of meditation, but it can be harder for someone new to it, as these well-worn behavioral responses are often powerful.

Whether or not you use this approach to identify, bring awareness, and heal smaller traumas, this is a potent everyday practice to increased knowledge of self.

2) Therapeutic Modalities

I have nothing against talk therapy, rooted in depth psychology, but generally believe it to be a much slower and expensive approach to mind/body healing.

Therefore, I will talk about a few of the modalities that, for my money, have a much larger bang for your buck impact on dealing with these small “t” traumas.

One modality, that I have written about previously, is The Emotion Code. This involves a simple process of identifying and releasing trapped emotions that remain lodged in our subconscious memory.

Another is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping. It is a therapeutic approach that combines elements of traditional Chinese medicine with modern psychology. The technique involves tapping on specific meridian points on the body while focusing on a psychological issue or emotional distress. The process is designed to release blocked energy and alleviate negative emotions.

A technique that evolved out of EFT is Matrix Reimprinting, which focuses on resolving and transforming traumatic or stressful memories stored in the subconscious mind. I recently read a book by its founder, Karl Dawson, called “Matrix Reimprinting using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future.” I enjoyed it and am beginning to trial it on myself (read my notes on the book here).

Thought Field Therapy (TFT) and Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) are also similar.

Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) is one that has been recommended to me but I haven’t tried. TRE is designed to help individuals release physical tension and stress stored in the body as a result of traumatic experiences or chronic stress.

Internal Family Systems is another personal favorite, one in which I wrote about already. This evidence-based method assumes that each person possesses a variety of sub-personalities, referred to as "parts," and aims to foster healing by gaining a deeper understanding of these parts

There are others that I am less knowledgeable about, like ThetaHealing, NLP, Somatic Experiencing, BSFF, EMDR, art therapy, Gestalt therapy, and the list goes on!

A couple others to be featured on future newsletters are Biological Decoding and journalling practice(s).

So, these little things that happen to us every day, the ones we might brush off as not a big deal, they actually add up. They quietly affect how we feel and act, without us even noticing.

Remember that time in school when a teacher embarrassed you? Or that feeling of not being invited somewhere you really wanted to go? These small moments, if they keep happening, can stick with us for a long time.

Especially when we're kids, these experiences can shape how we see the world. They become like the background music to our lives, playing over and over.

But the good news is, we can do something about it. Paying attention to how we react to things, even the small stuff, is a big step. Or trying out different techniques like listed above.

Hopefully this post helps you understand that some of your repetitive behavioral patterns are a result of some moment in your distant past, and can be dealt with in the present. Also, to appreciate how your actions towards others, especially children under the age of six, can mold the way they mature emotionally.

🗣 Kevin Kelly

Called a real-life version of “The Most Interesting Man in the World” by Tim Ferriss, 71-year old Kevin Kelly sure has lived quite a life. The Senior Maverick at Wired Magazine, Kelly has been a thought leader in tech and AI for decades.

He authors the popular “Cool Tools” blog, has written several books, and is the co-founder of the Long Now Foundation. Kelly is also well known for his infamous blog post, “1,000 True Fans.” His latest book, “Excellent Advice for Living” consists of “450 modern proverbs for a pretty good life”.

Here are some of my favorites from that book:

When you forgive others they may not notice but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.

Don’t measure your life with someone else’s ruler.

A major part of travel is to leave stuff behind. The more you leave behind the further you will advance.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Movement plus variety equals health.

A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others.

The best way to learn anything is to try to teach what you know.

Whenever you can’t decide which path to take, pick the one that produces change.

The more you are interested in others the more interesting they’ll find you. To be interesting, be interested.

If you ask for someone’s feedback you’ll get a critic. But if instead you ask for advice you’ll get a partner.

Keep showing up. 99% of success is just showing up. In fact, most success is just persistence.

Acquiring things will rarely bring you deep satisfaction. But acquiring experiences will.

To earn bliss just for a moment, send someone you don’t know a compliment for something they did.

Life gets better as you replace transactions with relationships.

Don’t create things to make money; make money so you can create things. The reward for good work is more work.

In 100 years a lot of what we take to be true now will be proved to be wrong, maybe even embarrassingly wrong. A good question to ask yourself today is “What might I be wrong about?” This is the only worry worth having.

If you can avoid seeking the approval of others your power is limitless.

Ignore what others may be thinking of you because they aren’t thinking of you.

If your goal does not have a schedule, it is a dream.

The greatest teacher is called “doing.”

When you lead your real job is to create more leaders not more followers.

Making art is not selfish; it’s for the rest of us. If you don’t do your thing you are cheating us.

Make others feel they are important; it will make their day and it will make your day.

Let someone know you remembered their name and they won’t ever forget yours. To help remember their name, repeat it on first hearing.

The only productive way to answer “What should I do now?” is to first tackle the question of “Who should I become?”

When introduced to someone, make eye contact and count to four or say to yourself, “I see you.” You’ll both remember each other.

Pay attention to what you pay attention to.

For maximum results focus on your biggest opportunities not your biggest problems.

Rather than steering your life to avoid the unexpected aim directly for it.

The trick to making wise decisions is to evaluate your choices as if you were looking back 25 years from today. What would your future self think?

To be interesting just tell your own story with uncommon honesty.

To have a great trip, head toward an interest rather than to a place. Travel to passions rather than destinations.

Fully embrace “What is the worst that can happen?” at each juncture in life. Rehearsing your response to the “worst” can reveal it as an adventure and rob it of its power to stall you.

When you find something you really enjoy, do it slowly.

Worry is ineffective. It is certain that 99% of the stuff you are anxious about won’t happen.

It is usually much easier to make big audacious changes than small incremental ones.

For a great payoff be especially curious about the things you are not interested in.

Even if you don’t say anything, if you listen carefully people will consider you a great conversationalist.

To learn from your mistakes, first laugh at your mistakes.

The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.

Your goal is to be able to say on the day before you die that you have fully become yourself.

To listen to the man himself, check out his conversation with Tim Ferriss earlier this year:

I love Paul.

I wrote about his book “The Pathless Path” a while ago and my “X” algorithm feeds most of his content to me. He is a leading voice in the movement of questioning traditional work and maximizing for life enjoyment rather than financial wealth.

He hits on a great point above.

Humans are designed to be lazy in order to conserve energy for the next hunt, or challenge, or call to action.

Science has already confirmed that our bodies instinctively opt for the most efficient walking pattern, selecting a pace and step length that minimizes calorie expenditure. This is done “below the level of conscious awareness” and manifests in many more human activities than just walking.

I believe that giving in to this natural human impulse to be lazy (at times) is an optimal choice for a thriving human. For me, I do my best work— whether that is writing, exercise, coaching, etc— in spurts of activity. I get exhausted and see a performance decrease when I try to be active for too long.*

*Not everyone has this problem, which I wrote about in my article about Human Design

When I was younger, I remember feeling guilty for being “lazy”, for sleeping in, for lounging around. My dad’s favorite name for a lazy person was a “load”, and I received that nickname countless times in my youth.

More pressures to avoid getting the lazy tag exist throughout society, especially in the modern American workplace, where you are often expected to grind all day despite the inevitable declines in performance. I believe this inclination stems more from a fear of being labeled as lazy rather than being an effective management strategy.

So maybe the next time you fear taking a break from your busy schedule to recharge because you are afraid of being labeled a load, remember that we are actually best served by answering nature’s call.

Time for a nap.

𝕏 Thread of the Week

💊 The Dark Side of Birth Control Pills: They negatively affect your thyroid, they negatively affect your immune system, they increase the risk of various cancers, they negatively affect your heart, and they negatively affect your gut.

💭 Why Do We Dream? This article explores the phenomenon of echolocation, where blind individuals use sound waves to create a mental map of their surroundings. It delves into brain plasticity, emphasizing its role in adapting to new skills and experiences. The "defensive activation theory" proposes that dreaming, particularly during REM sleep, helps protect the visual cortex from being taken over by other senses in the absence of visual input. The article suggests that the brain's flexibility and its need to defend the visual cortex contribute to the occurrence of dreams, offering a unique perspective on the purpose of dreaming.

🍯 Honey is a Superfood: Honey may increase serum level of testosterone, reduces fasting glucose, reduces total cholesterol, reduces LDL cholesterol, lowers triglycerides, stops liver inflammation, protects liver from fibrosis, and extends your telomeres. (h/t @anabology)

🎉 Joseph Campbell answers the question “How would you advise somebody to tap into joy?”

💬 Silently thank the person who brings out a negative emotion in yourself

📚 “The Art of Learning” and “Vagabonding”: two good reads

💭 “Spend your time doing only what you can uniquely do” -Naval

😔 #1 Regret of the dying— “I wish had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

🧘🏻‍♀️ Seated meditation is not necessary all the time

🎮 Life is a video game. You are the Player.

🧠 “You can’t be aware of Awareness and at the same time mentally cling to your identity as a body or person.”

🌎 Self and world are intimately entwined

✔️ That will do it for this time! Hopefully you got some value out of it. If you have any questions/comments/things you’d like to learn more about please don’t hesitate to reach out.

🔗 If you know anyone who loves learning about these types of topics, send them this link!

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